Chuck Norris Better Watch Out!

I think everyone is pretty much familiar with the “Chuck Norris Facts” floating around the net (Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.). Well, Chuck is in trouble, because here comes Jack Bauer! Time for some Jack Bauer facts!

Top 5 personal favorites:

-Life doesn’t give Jack Bauer lemons. Life asks him which fruit he wants.

-The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives.

-When asked what he got on his S.A.T’s, Jack Bauer promptly responded “Blood.”

-Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon.

and finally…

-It’s no use crying over spilt milk… Unless that was Jack Bauer’s milk. Oh you are so screwed.

Did you hear that? I think Chuck Norris just wet himself.


  1. Sean’s avatar

    Here’s one: One time someone asked Jack Bauer why he never eats or goes to the bathroom. Jack ate him. Then shit him out.

  2. Sean’s avatar

    More here:

    I like “Everytime Jack Bauer smiles, a terrorist loses his balls.”, and “Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.”

  3. Sean’s avatar

    Oh even more: “Jack Bauer named his cat ‘Chuck Norris’ because he thinks Chuck Norris is a pussy.”

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