The Only Good Thing About Twitter…

In general I think Twitter is pretty effing lame. But just because something generally sucks doesn’t mean there can’t be one or two good things about it. One guy has actually found a way to make Twitter entertaining. He’s posting random things his dad says, and his dad is freaking hilarious. Fittingly the feed is called “shitmydadsays“. Here are some excerpts:

“Son, no one gives a shit about all the things your cell phone does. You didn’t invent it, you just bought it. Anybody can do that.”

“Oh please, you practically invented lazy. People should have to call you and ask for the rights to lazy before they use it.”

“Does anyone your age know how to comb their fucking hair? It looks like two squirrels crawled on their head and started fucking.”

“That woman was sexy…Out of your league? Son. Let women figure out why they won’t screw you, don’t do it for them.”

“Remember how you used to make fun of me for being bald?…No, I’m not gonna make a joke. I’ll let your mirror do that.”

“I wanted to see Detroit win. I’ve been there. It’s like God took a shit on a parking lot. They deserve some good news.”

As you can see, this man is a sage that should be sought out for his wisdom. Don’t believe me? Here’s the best one: “Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don’t realize until later that it’s because it fucked you.”

Wait, the more I read on the more I realize this may be me in 40 years:

“I’m having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain’t mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil’ fucking umbrella in it”

“Your mother made a batch of meatballs last night. Some are for you, some are for me, but more are for me. Remember that. More. Me.”

Scary.