Hollywood has been churning out remakes lately. Most of them suck. This week we even found out that Red Sonja is being remade. 100% chance of suckage. But there’s hope. Once in a while a remake comes along that actually makes sense. Where modern technology can actually help tell the story in a more convincing way. I know humbly present one of these rare opportunities: Clash of the Titans.

Incredible Hulk director Louis Leterrier is set to direct an updated version of the 1981 classic. If his last film is any indication, Leterrier knows how to use special effects, which should greatly help improve the story’s presentation.

Admittedly there was something charming about the special effects in the original Clash of the Titans. Ray Harryhausen’s stop motion effects are great, but they look dated. Really dated. If the remake can keep the same spirit as the original, but update the effects to modern standards, the result could be fantastic. If they try to go overboard and rely on effects at the expense of the story, it will suck hard. I guess we’ll just have to wait until 2010 to find out.

A couple of weeks ago we got to see two pictures of Snake Eyes from the upcoming big screen edition of G.I. Joe.  Now we get to see a pic of Scarlett, the crossbow-wielding, red-headed hottie.  She’ll be played by the foxilicious Rachel Nichols, and if this pic is any indication, she’ll be the movie’s main attraction.  As always click for the full pic.

via Film School Rejects

In yet another shameless attempt to cash in on my childhood Paramount Pictures is making a live-action G.I. Joe movie, creatively titled G.I. Joe. It’s being directed by Stephen Sommers, the mastermind behind The Mummy, The Mummy Returns, The Revenge of The Mummy, and Van Helsing. Wow, that’s a tour de force of shit. Can’t wait to see how he rapes my cherished childhood memories…

The movie is currently filming, and it isn’t due out until August of 2009. While you wait anxiously for the release, here’s a few things we know already:

• Dennis Quaid is playing General Hawk (click for picture)
• Fire-maned hottie Rachel Nichols is Scarlett O’Hara, quite possibly my first crush
• Korean star Byung-hun Lee is Storm Shadow, the badass Cobra ninja
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt is hooded hoodlum Cobra Commander. Yes, the kid from Third Rock From the Sun is playing Cobra Commander.
• The pivotal role of Joe leader Duke will be played by a guy with a gay pr0n name: Channing Tatum
• Ripcord, who just missed our 10 Lamest G.I. Joe Figures Ever list, is in the movie. Maybe Marlon Wayans can make the character cool. Wait? MARLON Wayans? Shit. No chance.
• Snake Eyes is played by Ray Parks, the stunt man who played Darth Maul in the shitburger that was Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. A couple of pictures of Park as everyone’s favorite good guy ninja have come out:
  

I have a scary feeling that when all is said and done, the Michael Bay suckfest that was Transformers may actually be the lesser of two evils. And writing that makes me feel very dirty.

So, my fellow children of the 80s:

This guy is directing a
Muppet movie…

The motley crew that revolves around Judd Apatow is set to take on their next challenge: a new Muppet movie. Jason Segal, who played one of Seth Rogan’s friends in Apatow’s Knocked Up, and is the lead in the upcoming Forgetting Sarah Marshall, is set to direct a new episode in the Muppets canon.

Segal promises that the movie will be closer to The Muppet Movie and The Great Muppet Caper than Muppets in The Old West or Muppets from Space. He plans to bring back the Muppet tradition of lots of cameos, with Apatow regulars Seth Rogan, Jonah Hill, and Paul Rudd already on board. No estimate on a release date yet, as Segal has another project ahead of it on his schedule.

Via MTV

NBC officially unveiled the car that will be KITT in the new TV movie version of Knight Rider, and just like we thought, it’s a Mustang. They also had the cast on hand at the unveiling, so we get to see the folks who will be behind and against KITT. TV Squad has all the details, with pictures and story details.

The highlights are that Hasselhoff will make a guest appearance as Michael Knight, the main character will be his son, and the really cool part, KITT’s voice will be played by Will Arnett (who played Gob on Arrested Development). So KITT should have a sense of humor. And possibly perform illusions.

Knight Rider premiers on NBC on February 17th, 2008.

I propose a 21 squeeze salute as a tribute. Or, failing that, let’s at least watch a couple of his famous commercials…

“We don’t make mistakes here, we just have happy accidents. We want happy, happy paintings. If you want sad things, watch the news. Everything is possible here. This is your little universe.”

These are the immortal words of Bob Ross, the ultra-mellow painter whose happy little trees and puffy little clouds actually made PBS fun to watch. Bob died in 1995, but if he was alive today would have been his 65th birthday. Many people retire at 65, but something tells me Bob would have kept on painting, and kept on encouraging others to do the same.

If you want to celebrate Bob’s birthday you can:

• check out Bob’s biography
• learn how paint like Bob (in Photoshop at least)
• take a quiz about Bob on his official site
• Listen to Patton Oswalt’s take on him (Patton and I are from Sterling, VA, where Bob’s offices were!)
  Patton Oswalt - The Magic Of Oil Painting
  
• read Bob’s obituary from the NY Times

Or check out a full episode of his show, The Joy of Painting:

Via BoingBoing

Some old-school Knight Rider goodies after the jump:

If you can’t wait for the new Knight Rider, here are some goodies from the old one:

First the theme song:
Knight Rider Theme

Or, even better, the original intro:

And finally, a clip from America’s Got Talent where a woman dresses up as KITT’s mechanic, plays the theme song, and strips. Oh yeah, Hasselhoff is one of the judges.

Variety has the full story via TubeWad. Thanks to Crazy Joe for the tip.