Pop Culture Will Eat Itself » Sports

It’s Time for the NBA to Die

Sean — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 02:54:22 +0000

Remember Tim Donaghy? NBA commissioner David Stern sure does. See, he’s the referee who was convicted of accepting large sums of cash from gamblers in return for providing inside information on games he was working. He served 15 months in prison for the conviction, was released, then was sent back for violating his parole. Now, to top it off, he’s written a book detailing his transgressions, and the transgressions of the referees he worked with during his NBA tenure. That’s right, he wasn’t alone.

In his book he explains in detail how referees would conspire to keep games close to keep ratings up, make bets amongst themselves about calling fouls, and even swing the tide of playoff games to force longer series (and therefore keep the sponsors happy). Basically the worst possible things you could allege referees in any sport are doing. The sorts of things that call the league’s competitive credibility into question. The sorts of things that make you wonder what the difference is between pro basketball and pro wrestling. The sorts of things that could bring a league to its knees. And make me very, very happy.

I hate the NBA. I’m not a big fan of basketball at its very best, and the NBA is far from basketball’s best. There are too many games. The games are too long. Too often the players don’t seem to care. I would be incredibly happy to see the NBA fade from the public’s interest or even go away completely.

There’s one problem: the book isn’t coming out. The NBA got wind of it before it was released and bullied the publisher into shelving the project. I have no idea whether Donaghy’s allegations are true or not, but the NBA’s action certainly make me lean in that direction. Unfortunately for the league, Deadspin got their hands on a copy, and they’re not afraid to share. Here’s a particularly damning excerpt:

Studying under Dick Bavetta for 13 years was like pursuing a graduate degree in advanced game manipulation. He knew how to marshal the tempo and tone of a game better than any referee in the league, by far. He also knew how to take subtle-and not so subtle-cues from the NBA front office and extend a playoff series or, worse yet, change the complexion of that series.

The 2002 Western Conference Finals between the Los Angeles Lakers and the Sacramento Kings presents a stunning example of game and series manipulation at its ugliest. As the teams prepared for Game 6 at the Staples Center, Sacramento had a 3–2 lead in the series. The referees assigned to work Game 6 were Dick Bavetta, Bob Delaney, and Ted Bernhardt. As soon as the referees for the game were chosen, the rest of us knew immediately that there would be a Game 7. A prolonged series was good for the league, good for the networks, and good for the game. Oh, and one more thing: it was great for the big-market, star-studded Los Angeles Lakers.

In the pregame meeting prior to Game 6, the league office sent down word that certain calls-calls that would have benefitted the Lakers — were being missed by the referees. This was the type of not-so-subtle information that I and other referees were left to interpret. After receiving the dispatch, Bavetta openly talked about the fact that the league wanted a Game 7.

“If we give the benefit of the calls to the team that’s down in the series, nobody’s going to complain. The series will be even at three apiece, and then the better team can win Game 7,” Bavetta stated.

As history shows, Sacramento lost Game 6 in a wild come-from-behind thriller that saw the Lakers repeatedly sent to the foul line by the referees. For other NBA referees watching the game on television, it was a shameful performance by Bavetta’s crew, one of the most poorly officiated games of all time.

That sounds more like the rantings of a conspiracy theorist than a former NBA referee. Now, it’s completely possible that Donaghy is sensationalizing things for the purpose of making a quick buck. Maybe Bavetta never said that, and maybe the league never sent word about calls that were being missed. Maybe Donaghy is making it all up. But what if he’s not? What if the NBA is really fixing games? Or individual refs are? Would this be the most damaging story for a sports league since the 1919 Black Sox scandal? I think so, because it calls into question the credibility of every game played in the league. How can you regain the public’s confidence after something like that? How can you convince them that there aren’t off-court influences dictating what happens on the court? I don’t have answers, and I’m not sure the NBA does either.

My hope at this point is that the book finds the light of day, and that a good, thorough journalist takes the time to investigate the claims. If they don’t hold water then the NBA should sue Donaghy for anything he has left, and the public should forget about him as quickly as possible. But if the claims are corroborated, even some of them, the NBA is in serious, serious trouble. Hopefully viewership goes down the tubes, leading to sponsors pulling away from the league. Without top-notch sponsors, ABC, ESPN, and TNT would be forced to drop NBA programming, relegating them to some third-tier network. Once they’re off the big networks they become irrelevant. Just ask the NHL. Then it will finally be time to realize that the NBA is a wounded racehorse, and there’s no long life of green pastures and endless mares in their future.

Monkeys on Ice

Sean — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 23:38:15 +0000

Yesterday I saw a story on CNN about a Russian circus worker being killed by an ice skating bear. After reading that, a co-worker sent me this video. Apparently she couldn’t find one of an ice skating bear, but no worries, she found monkeys on skates. Doing tricks. In bad winter clothing. If there’s anything funnier than monkeys doing human things, I’ve never seen it:

RIP Captain Lou Albano

Sean — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 03:14:41 +0000

It’s a sad, sad day. Pro wrestler and all-around 80s celebrity Captain Lou Albano died. If you’re about my age you should remember him from the WWF, the WWF cartoon, or in Cyndi Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” video. Let’s all raise a toast to the man with rubber bands in his beard.

Shaq Swims, Plays Tennis, and Spikes Volleyballs

Sean — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 03:38:19 +0000

Do you want to see Shaq swim against Michael Phelps? How about play tennis against Serena Williams? Or take on beach volleyball legends Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh? Of course you do. Shaq is awesome, and he’s got a great sense of humor. And he’s one of the most dominant athletes of the last 20 years. So who wouldn’t want to see him take on the best athletes in other sports?

Well you’re about to get your chance. This fall ABC will air Shaq Vs., a reality show that will put The Big Aristotle outside his comfort zone every week. For each challenge Shaq and his competition will agree on a handicap, and Shaq will have a week to train. Then they’ll pool, court, or field and settle things. There won’t be any prizes though; only bragging rights will be on the line.

Shaq Vs. will premier August 18th, with The Diesel taking on Steelers’ QB Ben NRoethlisberger.

via ESPN

Jimmy Fallon Plays Tiger Woods Golf…With Tiger Woods

Sean — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 01:46:07 +0000

How cool would it be to play Tiger Woods at golf? Probably not that cool, because you don’t stand a chance in hell at winning. But how cool would it be to play Tiger Woods at Tiger Woods Golf? Now we’re talking, since he’s probably a mere mortal at the game.

Jimmy Fallon put this to the test on his show, taking on Tiger on the 11th hole of Bethpage Black (the course Tiger just played for the US Open). Would he be able to show Tiger up at his own game? Or would Tiger prove that he’s a golf master, no matter the medium? Watch and find out:

Mr. T Sings “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”

Sean — Sun, 31 May 2009 02:51:44 +0000

If you’re not a baseball fan you may not be familiar with the Cubs’ seventh-inning stretch tradition. Before his death in 1998 Harry Caray used to lean out of the television booth and sing “Take Me Out to the Ballgame”. Since he died the team has kept the tradition alive by having celebrity guests sing the song. Most guests do a good job, but a few of them have been epically, gloriously bad. We can add another to the latter category after this week’s performance by Mr. T. Check out the video, complete with T’s Zubaz pants:

“One, two, three strikes YOU out at the old, ball, game”

Leftovers: The Wire, Jason Bourne, and Monkey-Fightin’ Snakes

Sean — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 03:57:48 +0000

The boys of South Park could have a field day with this: Figure skater Brian Boitano is coming to Food Network. He’ll be hosting a show called What Would Brian Boitano Make? (a nod to the musical number from South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut), where he’ll prepare food for a different event each week. This is just another sign of the descent of Food Network in to crap. If it wasn’t for Good Eats there would be no reason to watch it at all.

Moving on to good television, if you were a fan of The Wire you don’t want to miss this. It’s original scripts for three episodes (including the first and last episodes) and David Simon’s original pitch to HBO for the series. It’s fascinating stuff. The pitch in particular makes you realize just how much of the series was thought out ahead of time, and how many layers there really are to it. And it’s pretty funny that Stringer Bell was originally supposed to be called “Stringy”. Aw hell no.

Bad news Bourne fans: We won’t see a new Bourne movie until 2011. Apparently everything is in place except, you know, the script. No biggie.

So you went 0-16 last season. What do you need to do to improve? Get a new coach? Nah. New players? Nah. Make your logo looks slight more intimidating? Yep, that’ll do it. Even without Matt Millen the Detroit Lions are morons.

Drummer Josh Freese’s unique album packages are working. Read about the guy who bought the $20,000 package and played mini-golf with rock stars. I’m not sure it’s worth $20k, but it’s pretty damn cool.

Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon went back home and performed with his old high school’s jazz ensemble. Check out the videos of him performing his songs as well as some standards. Must have been pretty cool to be one of those high school kids.

Finally, this is the funniest thing I’ve seen all week. It’s the TV edit of the famous line from Snakes on a Plane:

Without Favre It’s Just No Use: John Madden Retires

Sean — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 03:25:09 +0000

Love him or hate him, you have to give the guy props. John Madden is a Hall of Fame NFL coach. He’s an award-winning broadcaster. And he’s built the biggest video game franchise on the planed. Today, after 30 years on the job, he retired from broadcasting.

Madden takes a lot of flack for his broadcasting style, and a lot of people don’t like him, but I’ve always liked the guy. Sure, he often says things that are painfully obvious. And things that don’t quite make sense. And sure, he’s got favorite players that he treats differently (I’m looking at you Mr. Favre). So on paper I should hate the guy. But I don’t. And I’m not completely sure why. It could be because I can’t remember football without him. And because of the hundreds of hours of his games I’ve played, the majority with him spouting the same 20 phrases, over and over. So I’m actually a little sad to see the guy go.

Or I was until I heard who’s replacing him as Al Michaels’ partner on Sunday Night Footbal: Cris Collinsworth. For my money Collinsworth is the best color commenter in the business. And pairing him with Michaels makes something of a Dream Team. So rock on NBC!

Leftovers: Freddy Kruger, Iron Man, Karate Kid, and Leno

Sean — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 01:43:05 +0000

Fresh off his masterful portrayal of Rorschach in Watchmen, Jackie Earle Haley is going to be Freddy Kruger. Haley seems like a good pick, though as a child of the 80′s (whose father made some questionable choices about proper movie choices for his young son), Robert Englund will always be Freddy for me.

From the “Someone’s coming to their senses” file: The remake of The Karate Kid isn’t a remake anymore. The Jackie Chan/Will Smith’s kid movie will be called The Kung Fu Kid instead, and will just borrow some things from The Karate Kid. So instead of being an embarrassing and heretical remake, it’s just a ridiculous and pointless knock-off. I guess that’s a step up…

How bad are the Pittsburgh Pirates? They lost to a community college team in an exhibition game. Ouch. That’s just bad.

Radiohead is doing something cool again (of course it’s something that doesn’t involve their music). They’re testifying against the RIAA in a case against an alleged file sharer. Just like when they tried out the “pay what you want” marketing for their last album, the band seems to be ahead of the curve again. Now if only their music didn’t suck…

There’s a new twist in the late night shakeup. You may know that Conan is taking over Leno’s 11:30 timeslot, and that NBC is giving Leno a 10pm nightly show. The twist is that some of the network’s affiliates aren’t happy about it. Boston’s WHDH has announced that it won’t air Leno’s new show. NBC isn’t very happy about this and it threatening to kick WHDH out of its club. I can’t say I blame WHDH. I know I won’t be watching the spectacularly unfunny Leno.

Iron Man 2 is getting ready to start filming, and Robert Downey, Jr. let it slip that Tony Stark won’t be an alcoholic yet. The story will revolve around Stark’s adjustment to becoming a super hero, and they’ll leave the heavier stuff for a later movie.

Oreos, Chewbacca, Batman, Shaq, Lolcats, and More!

Sean — Sun, 22 Feb 2009 19:56:41 +0000

My last post about random stuff seemed to work out pretty well, so let’s give it another shot. It’s been an odd week, so there’s lots of strange stuff to go over.

Behold the Mega Double Stuf Oreo. This, and more ~~tastiness~~ signs of the culinary apocalypse at This is Why You’re Fat, including a Corn Dog Pizza, a 60lb Rice Krispy treat, and a seven pound breakfast burrito. Most of the stuff on the site looks disgusting, but I’m ashamed to admit there are a couple of tasty-looking treats.

Watch out Titanic! The Dark Knight officially broke the $1 billion mark. I don’t know if that completely makes up for not being nominated for a Best Picture Oscar, but I’m sure the folks at Warner Bros won’t complain.

Mario finally accomplished what Shredder never could. Bebop and Rocksteady couldn’t be reached for comment.

Shaq uses Twitter. A lot. To connect with fans. In a diner. Shaq is ~~a huge dork~~ cool.

Apples in Stereo frontman Robert Schneider’s getting a kids show. Schneider’s cartoon alter-ego Robbert Bobbert is coming to TV via the folks behind the incredibly trippy Yo Gabba Gabba. Bobbert’s also got a whole CD of kids music coming out.

Mike Myers and Paris Hilton are WINNERS!. Well, kind of. They each “won” three awards at last night’s Razzies, the anti-Oscars. Myers’ three awards, Worst Actor, Worst Screenplay, and Worst Picture, were all tied to his participation in The Love Guru. Hilton snagged three awards for two different movies, The Hottie and the Nottie and Repo! The Genetic Opera. Congratulations to both!

What’s the next step in the evolution of Lolcats? In Soviet Russia Lolcats use better grammar

Uber-douche Michael Bay is finally getting an Oscar. Not!

And finally, CHEWBACCA AND GEORGE FORMAN LIVE IN THIS GUY’S CABINET!